It never ceases to amaze me that I can read any number of books, listen to a year's worth of audio, attend seminars on the subject, share the message, counsel and coach others about it, meditate, pray, light candles, but when it comes to applying the wisdom of the sages to my own stuff, I fall so desparately short of hitting the mark.
I'm speaking of simply being okay in the "shaky" stuff. The unsteadiness. The "life is throwing curve balls at me" kind of feeling. The feeling of "overwhelm" that seems to happen at the juxtaposition of the proper forces. My biorhythms are in the red and all of my external relationships, things and scheduled events, are coming with what appear to be challenges. In droves. I'm not complaining, mind you, it's just a way for me to process feelings and move through with intuition, grace and a deeper understanding. This is not a "why me" letter; it's a "who me" introspection that by sharing with you, perhaps you'll see a reflection and come away with a deeper understanding as well.
I have the tools to be alright with the uncomfortableness, the mystery, the "letting go" and knowing that it ultimately will be just what it should be. I use them on a regular basis and for a period I am grounded. I just think it's interesting that someone can know all this great stuff about being connected at a higher level of consciousness and still feel like the rug is being pulled out from underneath them. Ahhhh, the mysteries of the human condition.
Remember that it's not the "stuff" that trips us, it's merely our perception of it that affects our feelings, thoughts, emotions and behavior. We're the ones creating our fear. We can just as easily create love and open our hearts to what needs to come through.
Without the roller-coaster of the emotions we'd be pretty flat and there's not nearly as much fun in that. So the trick is to learn to be grateful, even in the low times. To be forgiving to ourselves and others and to move through it, or "intuit" (in to it) as I like to say. I've learned that by "preaching" and teaching others to do the work, even holding their hands as they go through it allows me to avoid it in myself, right? I can easily show someone the mountain, explain how to use the proper gear, tell them where to set up camp, even which flowers and rock formations to take pictures of and which direction to face into the wind at the top for the most beneficial experience but actually climb the mountain again myself, over and over? Well, that's scary!
So here's the bottom line... Living a well constructed life at a higher connection to truth and Spirit does not exclude you from being a human being and being succeptable to a an emotional roller-coaster ride once in a while. Even mystics get the blues. Maybe it will help to know that it will cycle around at some point and let you coast in the sunshine again. That's where faith comes into play; that'll be the topic for a future blog entry.
For more inspiration and information about living well in the mystery, check out Pema Chodron here: The Pema Chodron Foundation
Sending you love and radiant light for your healing and success!